Ive been wanting to blog all day, but of course life took over and between the scheduled and nonscheduled interruptions I am finding myself at almost midnight writing. A year ago to the date (at least for 9 more minutes) I stumbled out of bed quietly as Tim slept into the bathroom to take the first pregnancy test for the month. We had been trying secretly for two months now and THIS was so foreign to me because our first two were NOT planned and in fact very much a (WONDERFUL) surprise….a little earlier than planned, but still a beautiful surprise. I tried not to get anxious because in all honesty it was 3 days before I should have actually tested anyway. All these thoughts flooded my mind as I waited for the possibility of a pink . For so long I cried out to God for another child, but there was always a reason why that shouldn’t happen. So many tears, so many prayers and FINALLY Tim came to me and was thinking the same (with a little hesitation, of course). I wondered if all this time Tim was right and another baby didn’t really fit into our lives, and maybe now after the second month God was telling me too. I mean I always prayed that God would send a definite answer and I was willing to be open to his answer, as hard as it might be.
After waiting I decided that I needed to go back to bed. I would try again tomorrow. A little disappointed I glanced at the test one more time before I hid it. I seriously could not believe my eyes…I mean literally. I rubbed them and splashed water on them again and checked the test again. There it was. The second pink line.
I had dreamed of the day I would see it for myself or IF it would ever happen. I did what every normal person would have done. I jumped silently up and down. Then I silently squealed (it is possible, I promise), then I giggled, and then I cried. Then I prayed. I thanked God even though this was just the beginning. Then I hid the test and climbed back into bed. I had to formulate a plan to tell Tim.
Believe it or not I was able to keep the little secret to myself for 3 days. Well I told one dear friend but she will never tell ;). Then on Father’s day 2012 I wrote a letter to Tim. I wish I had thought of something more creative. I mean I thought of cooking “baby titled” food. I also thought of wrapping up a test (by this time I had confirmed the first test with 3 more), but nothing seemed right and honestly I was a little worried at what Tim would say. I mean after 9 years of waiting THIS was the moment. I knew I couldn’t tell him before he spoke in church. What if it messed him up so bad he couldn’t even get the words out? 🙂 SO I waited and when he was laying down I made up some excuse how I had written him something for Father’s day but never had time to put it in a card and did he even want to read it or did he want to wait until I found a good card….yadayadayada! THANK GOODNESS he opted to read it then.
Tim was excited….a little scared at how we were gonna do this, but he was excited!
I told my dad the same day (he was at the house helping us build a fireplace).
Then we told the kids at Cracker Barrel a few days later on our way to Memphis to see my mom. We asked them to help us decide which onsie they liked better. They were both thrilled! And chose little brother, by the way.
Then I told my mom.
Then we skyped a few favorites and I texted another!
Then I got to go to GA and tell some friends. All who knew how excited I would be that I finally was having another little one!
Everything was going great AND THEN everything went nothing like I planned. The next few months were awful. I was very sick. Most days I laid in bed and cried. My kids started to have to adjust to a one parent house because I couldn’t move (I really am not joking). My diet consisted of an apple a day with a spoonful of peanut butter and white rice. My awesome neighbor Brenda would make me white rice whenever I text her. I lost weight. I lost my ability really to do anything but lay in bed. I cried because I wanted to be the mom my kids needed. Had my selfishness of wanting another baby taken away from their quality of life? There were times I couldn’t shower without Tim holding me up and helping me because I was so weak. I have to say I could not have made it without the people who were surrounding me.
At 12 weeks I got to see a little baby (not just a bean) for the first time. They told us that their guess was that it was a GIRL! Of course they couldn’t confirm it. I cried….again. By this time both kids wanted a sister, so the room was filled with excitement!
Meanwhile we had been saving money for two years and before I got so sick we decided to book our last family vacation as a family of 4. OF COURSE we chose a cruise. You know perfect for a prego with all the sea sickness on top of it. At 16 weeks I cruised the deep blue sea. I had my wonderful family by my side and despite the sickness, we still had an amazing time.
Time moved, slowly, but looking back it seems a lot faster. Christmas came and went and February was getting closer. I was feeling better and made a new best friend, Zofran. I really don’t know how I would have lived with out it. That and my amazing doctor and nurse.
The fun didn’t stop there. I got two infections after her birth. So another month of bed rest and NO DRIVING, and another month or two of Tim having to play both roles of mom and dad.
BUT WE MADE IT! Here we are. Another year come and gone. A year filled with more change then some of us wanted. We are stronger because of it and we love even more because of it. We stuck through it even though so many times we wanted to give up. I look at all 3 of my children and I thank my God for what he has given me. I look at my husband and see an amazing dad. Even more than I did a year ago when I wrote that note. I don’t EVER want to repeat this year but I am thankful for it.