I am sitting in a dark room. The fan is blowing in the cool Florida air and the Hillsong baby track is playing as the two most precious things to me lay sleeping. I am filled with so many different emotions (okay all the time, pretty much), but tonight again I sit emotion-ful.
We have been learning about Abraham and his faith to go wherever God wanted him to go, and to do whatever God wanted him to do, and not just that but to do it HONORING GOD. I have been praying tonight about different circumstances that surround my little family and wondering at times what exactly we are to be doing. Are we doing everything that God is asking us? Are we doing it the right way? Are we missing something? Even in the midst of confusion though, I have not felt alone. I know God is here. I am just not quite sure what it is that he is doing.
In times like these, it is hard for me to know what kind of faith I should have. Should I have the faith that says I believe, so therefore it will happen? Should I have the faith that says okay God, whatever you want? Or should I have the faith that just is not even expecting that anything should even happen? Of course in a perfect world all of these would fit together in a very organized way. But tonight, I am not exactly sure. I know this for sure, God has not forgotten me. Even when I think He has, time after time he has shown Himself to Tim and I in a very real way.
When Cobe was first born, we had just moved to Douglasville, GA. We were away from our family, away from our security and we hardly knew anyone. Not only that, but we had moved to take a job that we felt God called us to, but I am not going to lie, we had moments when we did not know how we were going to make it. One day I called Tim in near tears asking him how we were going to afford groceries. He always assured me God would take care of it. Have faith. Not even two hours went by and Tim called back saying “You are never going to believe this, someone walked in and handed me a 500 dollar check and told me God told them to bring this to us!”. FIVE HUNDRED was enough for groceries for 3 paychecks for us! Stories like that happened many times. God always has taken care of us, and He continues. Time after time I am reminded of his love for me and my family.
So here I am. Sitting in this dark room, with my children sleeping. Wondering what this month has to hold…knowing that it HAS to hold alot, but not really knowing how all can be accomplished. Then I hear the song by Hillsong United, All I need is You. And as the tune rings out to
“You hold the Universe, You Hold everyone on earth…All I need is You Lord, All I need is you…”
I am reminded that there is nothing more that we need than Him. If we lost everything, a place to live, security, money, WHATEVER, that God, my God is all I need. Is that enough for me? Can I not only rest in faith but also honor Him through all obstacles? I am not perfect (I know I know, this may come as a shock to many), but I want to have this faith, and therefore I will choose to know that I am where I am to be. Nothing more, nothing less.