Tomorrow Tim and I will celebrate nine years of marriage. Without prompting, my wonderful daughter handed her daddy a list of things to accomplish in order to make our day perfect. Of course I had to share it. This is one of the many reasons I love my Cayden:
Translation:
Mommy.
Get her flower(s)
Take her to the movies.
Take her shop(p)ing.
Take her to dinner.
I like her way of thinking, hopefully she can get daddy to follow her list 
.
Cinderella, my favorite Disney princess, had her life change by her shoes. It changed her residence, her relationship status, her work, and more. Her way of life was altered, all because of one little glass slipper. Then there is Dorothy. How would she ever found her way back home without those ruby reds? I know what you are thinking, these are all just stories, made up by dreamers. There is no such thing as magical shoes. That is what I thought until recently!
A few days back, while laying our strong, outgoing child to bed I noticed that she was unusually quiet and her face held a somber disposition. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me nothing. I could tell she was holding back, so I hugged her and told her she could tell me anything. Within seconds, I was holding my baby girl as she cried for the first time about having to move away. She had teared up before and cried a little, but this was different. She missed our house, her friends, our neighbors and her school, and I was hearing all about it through tears. Was this her first real emotional melt down? My heart broke. It was one of those moments as a mom that I could not fix. I sang to her and played Disney clips in spanish, on Youtube, to help her feel better. When she was finally sleeping I went to my room and cried. How could I even make this better? How can I teach her to hang in there? I knew how she felt. I knew EXACTLY how she felt. Later, when the house was quiet, I went and climbed in bed with her and cried some more while she slept. I laid my hand on her back and told God he was going to have to take this one, because it was out of my hands.
The next morning I had a plan. Cayden had been needing brown shoes and Tim’s mom had sent money for Starbucks. It seemed like a perfect combination. I woke Cayden up and told her that after school we were going to the mall to get a Starbucks and look for shoes. She beamed with joy! I informed Tim of my plan and he jumped on board (what a good dad huh?).
When the kids were let out of school, we headed down to the Florida Mall. It is huge! We got our Starbucks in the two story cafe, sat on the sofas and talked about school, friends and life. Then we walked to her newly favorite store Justice. I don’t know how Cayden started loving this store, we have never shopped there, and she can barely fit into their stuff, but this is where she wanted to go. I knew finding affordable shoes in there was pretty much next to impossible, but it never hurts to look. I immediately headed back to the clearance and looked at the shoes. Nothing…wait…I reached in the back and pulled out some shoes. Did they meet the requirements? Brown? Yes! Size? 13, PERFECT! Affordable? No. The shoes were not marked down and still held the price of 28 dollars and some odd cents. UGH! I took them up to the register just to ask if maybe they were on sale, my budget was 12.99. (low I realize, but it is what we have to do). The shoes rang up to 6.99! I was excited and Cayden was over the top!
Immediately after the purchase she sat down and put them on. They didn’t match but she didn’t care. It was magical. She stood up exited the store raised her arms wide, stopped and started singing. Then she did a spin and skipped down the mall. Every once in a while she would stand still, singing loudly songs by Demi Lovato but adding her own words about amazing shoes. Then she would spin a circle and continue on her merry way! A few times she clasped her hands together, bend a little and squeal with excitement. Then she’d prance ever so gently to our side and say “Oh thank you so much daddy and mommy for my new shoes from Justice…” trailing off in yet another song. As we exited the mall through Sax Fifth Avenue, she walked through the store while shaking her hips with her hands pointed out in a prissy fashion, never once caring about the eyes that stopped to stare at this child who confidently strolled by. The ladies working smiled at me, as if they knew that Cayden was celebrating life through a new pair of shoes. A universal feeling girls of all ages could understand. I took a deep breath, a sigh of relief maybe. For now, not forever, but for now, Cayden had no worries. She felt great and so did I.
Walking to the car she held my hand and said
“Mommy, when a girl has a bad day all you gotta do is buy her shoes from Justice and it will make everything better.”
While Tim was a little concerned with the comment, I loved it. Then a few minutes later, I heard her tell her brother,
“You know Cobe, getting shoes is better than getting toys, you get to wear them wherever you go”
Of course he argued with her and informed her that you could PLAY with toys. She replied
“Yes , but shoes make you feel good”
Today I found magical shoes. Shoes that for the moment changed my little girls life, and all was well in the Grandstaff household…for now!
There are many moments when my husband tells me that I need to step back and let the kids deal with some of the problems that come their way. I am learning. It is hard, but I am learning. There were times back home when Cobe would be in conflict and I would find myself in the middle of a first grade fight being the mediator. Not playing sides but helping the boys come to a reconciliation. Fighting for my son so that he would not lose friends. Tim would quickly pull me in reminding me that children need to learn how to deal with conflict. I know Tim is right. I have seen it work. As toddlers falling and waiting to see a reaction, then when none is received, getting up and dusting their little legs. Even now as a newly first and second grader pushing them ALONE into uncharted territory. Teaching them independence which gives confidence. Learning that these little battles are theirs to learn to fight on their own.
Today, however, I sort of let the rule go out the window. We were walking the kids to school, well, Tim and I walked, the kids rode their scooters. This is all very new to us. We have never been at a school where we could just walk them to the doors. None the less, we were nearing the school grounds when we got stuck behind three girls. Fifth grade girls, taking up the entire sidewalk moving at an extremely slow pace. I know girls can be girls so I wasn’t too bothered. We continued to walk trying to attempt to move around them, but the grass here is soaking with water and is impossible just to roll a scooter on, so I played the patient card and continued to walk KNOWING the girls knew we were there. Cayden is only in first grade and is not a super great scooter rider. So when she looked back at us to smile, she accidently bumped into the heel of one of the girls in front of us. The girl glanced back, gave a rude look, looked forward, and continued to take up the entire sidewalk. Cayden said sorry, and Tim told her to say excuse me so we could get around them. She did and the girls did not move. Then the one girl said to her two side kicks in a very slow ‘valley girl’ like way “Can you believe I just got ran over by a little first grader?” Cayden did not hear her, but I did. I know it was a moment that I should have ignored the overly confident girls, but not today. I moved right next to that girl and said loudly “Excuse us, can you move over? Please get out of the way.” and I told my kids to follow. The girls moved over. Finally people could get by on both directions. I thought for sure Tim would say something but he just smiled. I know I should have let go, but I still have at least 12 more years to get better at it. Maybe tomorrow.
Lately there has been alot going on! Who doesn’t have stress with this economy? Add moving, selling a house, living with friends until your house sells, changing schools, starting a church and friends and family struggling in hurting relationships to the mix, and needless to say I have a little stress. While most of the time I handle it well, there are days. I know I am not alone, we all have it, we all deal with it differently. Recently I have discovered a new way to help cope with unneeded stress. It is something I like to call Roller Coaster Therapy!
Not long ago we were headed to Disney when I received a phone call informing me of some hurtful and burdening news. I was sad and frustrated. I tried to vent a little to Tim, but then he started frustrating me and I could feel this ball of emotion build inside me. Not long after we entered the park we headed to Rock N Roller coaster. Since the line was at least an hour wait, we opted to ride in the “single rider line”. Soon I was strapping myself in next to a nice young man. He asked if I had ever ridden this particular ride before. I said yes, but told him I always get nervous on roller coasters. I informed him however that I am not the vomiting type. He was glad to know! Not long after, we were shot 0-60 mph into darkness. Now normally when I am sitting next to unfamiliar people I try to contain my composure, even on roller coasters. Today was different. All of the sudden this amazing blood curdling scream came out of no where. It felt wonderful! We looped around again. I could not stop. All this bundled up emotion was coming out in the most peculiar way. I even tried different things with my screams just because I could. I am sure the guy next to me thought I had issues….well I did have issues and I didn’t care. I was in darkness and restrained having my own little tantrum. It was invigorating. When the ride came to an end I pulled myself together and exited the ride with a big smile on my face. No one had to know what had happened in there. No one saw me and only the gentleman next to me knew where the sounds were coming from. Who was he? He had no clue who I was. It was great therapy for a stressful soul.
If you ever are in town and in need of a little therapy, I will glady assist you!
Once again Christmas nostalgia was running through my veins. I played my music and then I started craving PEPPERMINT MOCHA CREAMER by Coffee-mate!
There is a small problem with this, however, Coffee-mate does not sell it until the Holiday season. I found a recipe online and tried it tonight. It is pretty darn close. I did change it up a little. Here it is:
1 pint of half and half (can be regular or fat free)
1/2 cup white chocolate chips
1/4 cup peppermint syrup (I used Starbucks. You can get it year round, but you have to ask for it).
Directions:
Melt the white chocolate chips in with a little of the creamer on Medium Heat (Do not boil!). Once melted add the rest of the creamer. Stir until mixed well. Add peppermint. Refridgerate for up to two weeks. Enjoy!
It is not perfect, but it is close.
I got the original recipe here. I tweaked it a little, but you can try it any way! I just want everyone to enjoy the holiday goodness!
So my birthday was this past Tuesday. As always my husband does and amazing job making me feel special and loved. Every year I wake up and lay in bed on my birthday with wonderment and anticipation. I know that somewhere in the house my family is doing something to make my day one of a kind. So I lay there impatiently and pretend to sleep until the kids come and “wake me up”. This birthday was no different. Soon enough the kids came bursting into my room telling me to get up; leading me blindly down the flight of stairs (I’d be lying if I said I didn’t peek). There in the kitchen were streamers draped in an awkward way around the kitchen and dining area. Just for me! The smell of bacon was wonderful and the pancakes were made thin just the way I like them. They had cut up strawberries and a fresh pot of coffee. I was in heaven. When I sat down I noticed my birthday cards. One from each person. Earlier, Tim had taken the kids to Walmart and placed them in front of the Mom/Birthday section and told them to pick any card out. He went and worked on finding his card while they searched for their perfect card for me.Tim bought them and the kids hid away secretly and decorated them just for me. They LOVE sealing the card by themself. It was ready and set on the table for my enjoyment. I ripped the envelope to Cayden’s card first.
It made me smile. It was just like her to pick a card with an cute animal on the front. THEN I opened it and laughed very hard. I was a little shocked. When I questioned Tim on his allowing her to get this card, he seemed confused, and then he read what was written on the inside, surrounded by Cayden’s innocent artwork.
Oh yes! Tim let them pick the card, but never looked inside. He wanted it to be their own thing and never thought twice when he stuck them in the Mom/birthday section. Honestly it was the most memorable card I have ever received. Cayden has NO idea why I laughed even though she knows how to read. She just was so in love with the front that the inside doesn’t matter. One day when I show this to her I know she too will think it is just as funny!
Cobe, however, went with something he knew I would love.
With a precious note inside.
Gosh I love my kids!
I am a lover of all things Christmas. I know that it is super early to be missing the season, but I cannot help it! I have walked through the mall and seen the Hallmark ornaments hanging. I have allowed myself to wander through the doors of the majestic Disney Christmas store. I have even played the wonderful sounds of the season and sung along. Oh how I long for the moment when my tree goes up and I can once again celebrate this holiday season. This Christmas will be different from the others. Eight years in one house and now it is all different. I also have no way to envision it’s greatness (and in saying this I could say insanity!) because I am not exactly sure where we will be. I have a feeling if we are still living here with the Harpers, I may not be able to decorate as much as I am used to . I will try to figure it out though! I took a few pictures of my trees last year, knowing it would be the last they grace that house. In remembering Christmas in July…
This is our main tree. It has ornaments that the kids made, ornaments from when Tim and I were little, Ornaments from when we were married, Kids firsts, of course my Cinderella ornaments etc. This tree is a representation of who we are as a family. Every year we all pick out ornaments that represent our year and things about us, and it goes on this tree. Of course we have a few on here that don’t mean anything, but I love!
This is my Vintage tree in the hallway. All the ornaments are antique or vintage….mostly from my grandparents tree or parents tree.
This is my Starbucks tree/gingerbread trees. They go in the kitchen and anything that belongs in Starbucks or in a kitchen may go on this tree, hence the gingerbread cookies. They are three of my littler trees, but they give the kitchen just the right touch!
Each kid has their own tree. Caydens is a vintage silver tree which she hangs princess ornaments and girly stuff on and adorned with purple lights. It is hers to decorate. She loves every year getting her box out with her ornaments and going crazy.
Cobe’s tree is all his own. He hangs boy stuff on it. He even strings up some of his action figures on this tree. Every year it is different, but he keeps his ornaments on there from when he was little. I love that both my kids get into Chrismtas as much as me!
Of course the bathroom has a tree also. It doesn’t have lights because it sits close to the tub in this tiny bathroom, but who knows maybe this year will be different.
My favorite tree is my Santa Tree. It has a little history. One day one of my closest friends Kathlyn and I were driving by the Home Depot when we noticed in their dumpster was a Christmas tree. I went in the store and asked if I could have it and they said yes. So Kathlyn and I climbed on in the dumpster and pulled all of this tree out. Then when we went to Target the ornaments were marked 75 percent to 90 percent off. I was so excited. I bought everything for this tree (including the tree) for under 20 bucks. Then my mom also kept her keen eye out and sent me some more Santa ornaments. Now we are set!
Of course we had to put one in our room too. I got this tree for 5 dollars at a yard sale…it’s pre-lit. All the ornaments on this tree were found at yard sales or given to us. I never have yet paid for ornaments full price (except for my Cinderella ornaments). It is a little bare, so I will be looking around for ornaments to complete this tree.
Of course there are many more trees in my house. I have some next to the TV…(fabulous!) and some next to the door. I also had a few down in the basement rooms. Those are my bigger than life trees with super big ornaments on them. Too many to post about but oh it makes me so excited to think about Christmas this year. I told Tim my one requirement for our house is to find one tall enough for the new 12 foot tree we were just given. I know beggars cannot be choosers, but wouldn’t that be cool? As for now, all my Christmas decorations, are still in GA all 65 bins of them . I feel a little piece of me with them…silly as it sounds. I will feel much better when they come home to me. Tim promised before our tree erection date of November 1st, my decorations will be safely where they belong!
She turned six a few weeks back. SIX! My little girl is growing, changing and becoming a little older….. I see it in her. I watch her move and I listen to the way she talks. It is all changing. It’s all becoming different. Sometimes I look and I see glimpses of the little toddler who would smile when I praised her. The tiny girl who looked to me to always dress her and always fix the little curls on her head. More often, lately, I see glimpses of who she will be as a young woman. I see her little arms becoming a little more defined and her once chubby legs becoming more lanky. I can see, slowly, the wonderful creation that God is continuing to mold and make His. It breaks my heart that this little child, my little girl, is growing in an amazing way. Yet I know that this is all part of the cycle of life. I know it has to happen, like it did for me. Maybe one day she will get to experience the love and joy I have experienced just in knowing her.
Cayden Reese I love you! You were a miracle to your daddy and I. I am so glad I had to lose to gain you! You make me smile and remind me of the small things in life. Thank you for being you!!!!!
Tim and I spent the first week of our married life on a Disney Cruise, at Disney and shopping in the Florida Mall. The following year we made our way to Orlando for a mini vacation. The year after that we came to Orlando again, with a one year old and a tiny pregnant belly. Year after year staying with the Harper’s and every so often getting lucky enough to make it to Disney for a day. Vacation in Orlando was wonderful.
One month ago today, my family made the trip down to Florida,
…and we are still here. We moved in with the Harper’s
…. an amazing couple who have so graciously allowed us to live with them until our house sells. When we moved in the first two weeks I thought “What a nice vacation”. The last two weeks in my head I know we are here for good, but my heart is waiting to pack the suitcases up and head home. Only, this is now home. Our days here are filled with pool time and trips to Walmart. We also have been fortunate enough to save up for one year passes to Disney. This has been wonderful for the kids and I. Tim is a good sport. How can you not love the greatest place on earth?
I love it here. Of course I miss my friends, but I know this is where we belong.
Here is a photographic update on the last month!
Shortly after getting here we ran into my nephews on their trip to Disney with their dad. We later planned an ice cream date at The Boardwalk at Disney.
For Father’s day we took Tim to Putt Putt per request. Tim chose to go to the Christmas putt putt because he loves me. It was so much fun. We listened to Christmas music while competing against the boys. They won but only after a putt-off at the end.
On June 27th Cayden turned 6. Some amazing friends came to celebrate the big day. Cayden chose to go to the happiest place of all, Disney World!
On July 4th we were back at Disney to watch the spectacular fireworks.
Then this past week we were at Fellowship Orlando’s Adventure Week. The kids had an amazing time and actually learned so much more than we have ever seen. Cayden has made a wonderful friend who is awesome, and Cobe overcame some big hurtles this past week. We are so proud of them.
They both got to help lead worship on stage. This was a big help in getting them involved and of course Cayden loved when the Chic-fil-a cow came to visit. She actually had a hard time not looking at him!
Oh and ever since we watched My Girl together, Cayden thinks it is cool to tuck her shirt in. It kind of works for her…maybe .
I know our little journey is just so new. I look forward to seeing what new adventures await…big and little.
Do you ever find it hard to express what your feeling? For me, very rarely do I find myself with a loss of words. The past few days and especially today perhaps too many thoughts and feelings flooded my mind, not necessarily a loss for words, but too many words to simplify. I have thought of so many things I want to write, and I am sure they will come. As the moving truck pulled out of our driveway and down the road….I cried.
I just sat down to my computer. There are no chairs in my house. There is no drawers or dressers. There are not even plates and silverware. In fact my computer is upstairs sitting on the ground all by itself in my bedroom. I opened up my email and I got this letter from Tim. I cried….of course. Though not my words, it pretty much sums up alot of what I am feeling in a way…and I know that it is a little bias , but after this week I will take it….if just for this moment. My feelings will come soon.
Dear Tandy,
I am sitting in our house tonight with boxes all around me, thinking of a lot of things. I am going to be writing a few letters to people on staff that have meant a lot to me, but wanted to write a letter to you first. Why? Cause you are the most important person in all of this.
I am truly amazed at you. I remember almost 10 years ago as you wore your jean overalls with the red shirt underneath. You caught my eye, my attention, and my heart. I remember how my heart would pound inside so heavy just to be around you. You were never a project to me, I just knew that there was something extremely special about you and I was curious and oddly scared to find out. It’s the very reason why I was nervous to date you. I new that if I was gonna find out what you were truly all about, then life would change forever for me.
Well, it did. I remember as we dated I could not get enough of you. I wanted to be with you and near you all the time. Nothing and no one mattered. Not friends, not family, not work… just you. I met someone who believed in me, supported me and brought a fun side to life that I needed. I knew from the beginning that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Didn’t need time, didn’t need advice, my heart knew it and that was all I needed. I knew God had some things in store for us, and all I ever wanted to know was that the person I was going to spend life with was ok to take on the adventure with me.
Our life started out wild, fast, crazy, fun, exciting, stressful, overwhelming, and amazing. It was one big roller-coaster! Yet, you were willing to go for the ride. We bought a house that was more than we ever imagined. It was the perfect place for us. Blue carpet through out and white walls that would soon turn to yellow, then green, wood floors would be added, and much, much more. We made this place ours and made it how we wanted. Our fingerprints are all around. Within our first year we brought home a little package to this house that turned our world upside down. Cobe was the perfect gift needed in our life at that time. He made life fun and brought joy to our life in ways unexplainable. The house had a new vibe and life that we shared many memories and moments with. He has been everything that I could every think of writing in a list for a son. I look forward daily to just watch him and observe how he enjoys life from a far. The little boy in a dark blue outfit with the little Nike’s had brought new turns to an amazing adventure in our life. This small boy has become my best friend.
We had some tuff moments together in our journey, moments that didn’t make sense. Moments that made us at times ask tough questions to see what God was doing. There were moments that involved our own family members. There were moments that involved us and our children, and we grew together through them and somehow it made us stronger. You never gave in, never gave up, but were always that fighter that I saw back in the jean overalls and red shirt. The one that had that special something that had me nervous to explore.
In our dark moments we always found out that God was doing something great. Soon after some of life’s toughest times, God gave us our second greatest package. Since the day Cayden has arrived, I have been overwhelmed with a girl that I never imagined I could love. She is drama, diva, funny, precious, fun, and more than I could dream of. She is a glimpse of her momma’s spirit at times and the spunk of her momma in other moments. I am absolutely in love with her. She has brought memories to my life in this house that I will cherish forever. My little girlfriend grabbed my heart strings and has been strumming ever since.
We have seen many things in our time here. We have traveled the world together (Bahamas, Hawaii, Jamaica) and had the chance to involve our family in almost everything we have done. We have made friends that we will keep forever. Met people who have blessed us and seen God do some things that we could not explain. We have had people help us with our kids, people give us clothes, food, furniture, money, a car, and care that has allowed us know how much God has been in our life through this part of our adventure. We have had friends who have mentored us, and we have spent the last 8 years doing anything and everything to do our best in working through our life long relationship together. We have never given up and never quit. Even when times have been tough, we have sought out help to make sure that we stay together and stand by each other’s side. The girl in the overall jeans and little red shirt was more than I first expected.
To think that God wasn’t done with us, that this wasn’t the final stop on our adventure together? To think that he has something even more for us – truthfully… is hard right now. Although I don’t show it, my heart hurts. I am carrying a deep burden cause I am moving my wife away from her home, friends, and security. I am moving my kids away from the only life they have known. It’s hard, harder than I can explain. I love this house, this place and our friends as much as you. I love that my kids grew up here, that they played with the kids on the street and that we explored so much of life together here. I am more overwhelmed that the girl in the jean overalls and red shirt is willing enough to be obedient. That you are willing to do what God has asked of us and once again start out on a new adventure. When you caught my heart, it was the night your heart broke for the students on our summer trip. It was then that I began to glimpse a girl who was more worried about others in life beyond herself. This girl, who became my wife, has always put me first, our kids first, and other first. Your life has impacted mine more than I tell you. Your heart for Katrina, other peoples kids, malaria are just a few moments of realization that your life is always being lived for something bigger. Just didn’t think that the “bigger” moments would look something like this. I never imaged that myself and this girl who I wanted to be so near to all the time, this girl who made my heart pound so hard as if it was coming out my chest, would be my partner in starting something that would always be about helping other people. Tandy, you have brought wisdom to my life, support, encouragement, and joy that keeps me longing to be by your side. I am daily growing more in love with you, even as we learn more about each other through this adventure.
I know this time is tough for you. I know you have lots of fears and questions. Honestly…I don’t have all the answers. I wish I did. I want you to know that I would never do anything to harm you, let you down, or hurt you. I am just trying my best to do what God is asking. This time will be hard for us as was our journey before. But just like in that one, I know that God is going to bring along new and greater memories than we could imagine, that the next 8 years of our adventure would have unreal moments to tell about than before. That doesn’t mean I will every forget, just remember them as moments of encouragement when the difficult times come. I can only do this because you are by my side. Because that girl in the jean overalls and red shirt was everything I imagined as I watched her drive away that night in her maroon car. I am blessed to have you. I am grateful to know you and I am humbled to call you my wife.
I love you and want you to know that you are the most important person in all of this. You are more important than any of it. I will fail, I will mess up, cause I am human, but I will always do my best to make sure that our relationship continues to grow and that our family remains the strongest and most enjoyable thing in our life. Almost 10 years ago my heart only cared for one thing above all… you. 10 years later that love has only grown and expanded.
As I sit here late tonight I am reminded that this house has a lot of history in it, a lot of memories and a lot of life. We lived life here the best we knew how and we did our best to honor God as we did. Our kids have grown inside these walls to be more than I knew they could become. My little boy has grown into a young man way too fast. My little girlfriend is now my little Cinderella to dance with. In 8 years I never thought that the girl my heart beat so hard for, would provide so much. There is a part of me that will stay in this house forever with you, yet there is a lot of me left to explore a new world together with you.
Glad I wore those overalls….I love you Tim! *tear
